Regarding Authority

Authority is a crazy thing.

To change anything, you need it. Yet the amount you have directly correlates with the amount of responsibility one must take if those changes have unintended, or unwelcome, consequences.

And so humanity has a bitter sweet relationship with authority, rejoicing at the freedom it gives one to work change while cursing the heightened expectations laid upon their shoulders.

Fortunately for us, we have created a middle ground.

To work change, criticize those in authority, lambasting them with derision until they do what we expect (or until some other poor fool is willing to take their place with the support of our vote).

The result: A convenient buffer.

When plans that we disagree with go badly, we are able to shake our heads as we stand on the sidelines.

"See Bob, I told you that would happen."

When plans that we agree with go badly, there we are, still shaking our heads on the sidelines.

"See Bob, told you that guy/organization/branch of the government couldn't pull it off. They always bungle everything."

Here is the kicker: on the rare occasion that a plan we actually agree with goes well:

"See Bob, that's why I voted for that guy!"

Its a win-win. Democracy rocks.

Regarding Dreams

So recently I had a friend have a huge opportunity open up to him. He was basically handed a fully operating camp at virtually no cost to him.

His response when I asked what he would do: "I'm afraid to do it. I have never done it before."

I have to admit that his answer was refreshingly honest. It still grated me. Grates me still.

Fear, in and of itself, strikes me as a terrible reason to refrain.

Lack of experience is an equally grossly insufficient reason.

From an educators perspective, the reason for this is immediately obvious. Learning cannot take place if the student is unwilling to place themselves to risk. Risk itself is required for learning, be it walking, investing, teaching, driving, or writing. When fear of falling or lack of experience causes one to refrain from the experience, stagnation always results.

Lets take this idea one step farther.

If risk is the necessary starting place for growth, than the size of the dream you currently pursue is the immediate limitation on your own personal potential.

Invest small, reap small. Sow much, reap much.

Failure is inevitable methinks. Its only difference is the form of failure you will encounter: be it stumbling before ones first step, or the failure of a life spent in safety, crawling on all fours for fear of stumbling.

Regarding Justice.

Down Syndrome.

Orphans.

To be in one of these categories is a tragedy. One that deserves compassion, tenderness, and society to reach out with eager provision and love.

To be in both of these categories, to be orphaned, to be abandoned by your parents - because of even suspected Down Syndrome, is a crime.

To be an orphanage, and deny the adoption of that orphan to a family because of that Down Syndrome - out of a desire to protect the nation's reputation, both with its own population and that of surrounding nations, is heinous.

To force this child to remain in the orphanage, un-adoptable, and to tie them to a chair.

No toys.

No play time.

No friends.

No parents.

No love.

No hope.

Please Lord come quickly.

Regarding Landlords

I met a guy last year whose business was real estate. He would travel back and forth between the States and Shenyang selling properties in China. This guy shed some interesting light on landlords, explaining that the vast majority of Chinese people have no trust at all for the stock market, and have even less trust for banks. With the insanely rich getting insanely richer, they are having the difficult dilemma of where to put all of their newfound wealth.

Property.

Now this actually explains quite a bit.

For one, it explains how I'm able to look out my window and count appx. 20 cranes of new high-rises going up outside my apartment window while at the same time apartment buildings less than a year old are at minimum capacity.

It also explains why landlords in China are such jerks. To them, being a landlord is not a position of responsibility. They don't really need the money, and in fact, any rent you actually do pay them is just a bonus. The wealthy are counting on the value of the property only to continue to sky rocket, and so much of the insane amount of construction that is taking place is sheer speculation.

But because properties are owned and rented out by the rich and its income is seen as peripheral, tenants and their complaints about....mold, shoddy construction, ceilings falling apart, even the junk that the owner decided to store in the apartment before move in day, are largely ignored and are seen as petty interruptions.

Argh.

This mindset is grossly apparent to me as I sit in my apartment where my foster child sleeps on the floor because our landlord ignores all pleas to move his monster beds (yes, beds are plural here) out of the one room he can sleep in.

It amazes me that individuals in positions where their livelihood is a result of service to people so often grow callous to the very call to serve that the livelihood stems from. The whole point of their position is written off as a peripheral inconvenience.

But as a teacher, I still hate grading papers.

Hugely inconvenient.

Regarding Sick Daughters

I never got the movie that has the daughter getting hopelessly sick, followed by the father going against all odds to discover the miracle cure, leaving the entire family together, happily ever after. Lifetime movie cliche's are somewhat nauseating to me. The reality is that when the typical father's daughter is hurting with sickness, he is at the mercy of providence and the nearest medical facility.

Or just providence.

Personally, these are the moments in life when I'm struck by my relative helplessness in life. They also tend to be the moments that I work to avoid the most.

Our detestation of being helpless begins early. Already my daughter gives me 'the look' when I put the pacifier in her mouth and don't let her do it alone. I think we want to establish that we are something significant, and on some level independent and self-sufficient.

Honestly our desire to set ourselves up as independent would be a humorous hyperbole if it wasn't so grossly futile a dream. From the cellular level, where all it takes to end a life is one cell decide its not going to stop reproducing, up to the cosmic level of our planet depending on insanely precise mechanisms to hold everything in place just so, any concept of independence is sickeningly arrogant.

Which begs the question:

Why does feeling out of control throw me off balance?

I'd laugh if it wasn't so serious an issue.

Regarding Dongxi

For those that aren't students of the great and elusive Chinese language, 'dongxi' (pronounced 'dongshee') is the chinese word for 'stuff'. Its one of those great words you find when learning a language that fits so many holes in a building (ok, I'll admit - my chinese vocabulary is currently better defined as 'stagnant', but I digress) list of words you actually know.

Dongxi is what we get on Christmas.

Dongxi is what is gathering dust in the closet you haven't used in 3 years.

Dongxi covers just about everything.

And I discovered something this morning about dongxi that I thought I already knew.

Every Christmas I still have the anticipation of opening presents. I love getting them. The high hopes, excitement, the destruction of paper and boxes, and the carnage that follows thrills me. Every Christmas I end up sitting down with the loot, fiddling with the loot, and playing with the games wondering why I'm still not happy.

No seriously, I know its cliche'ish, but that thought process actually went through my mind this afternoon.

And I can honestly say that I have experientially learned the truth humanity has been struggling to learn for centuries: dongxi has absolutely nothing to do with happiness.

Proven by my daughter, who was soon bored of her American-sent laptop to tug on her father's arm to be held.

Unconditional acceptance. Unconditional grace. Unconditional love.

Gifts may be a part of these. Gifts are not the totality of these.

To assume so is mixing the ends with the means.

Regarding Well-Meaning Fools

Few things are more frustrating than when disaster strikes as a direct result of your efforts to do something good. Unfortunately our world seems to be filled with well-meaning people who regularly cause disaster, and I've often found myself in the midst of the mob who casts stones at well-meaning fools who have caused greater problems than those they set out to remedy. Honestly, the mob is a fun place to be. There's camaraderie in its midst, a pleasant atmosphere of feeling quite above the naiveté existing among 'common folk'.

Then, one evening, you are having fun with your foster child, causing him to laugh as he repeatedly lands on a bed full of pillows. His laughter sweetened by the reality that well-meaning fools thought institutions were a good place to raise a child, and that a 2 year old can exist off of formula and rice cereal fed 2x's a day.

And time stops when you realize that after he landed his whole arm is twisted in a way that is not natural, when this boy who never cries begins screaming in pain.

It's lonely, outside of the mob. I miss the days before I caused pain greater than that I was working to heal.